Warning: No Lie Zone

I'm not here to bullshit people -- that's the last thing on my mind(s). Speaking of minds (thanks for the great segue into the topic-at-hand) (you're welcome), I wanted to come clean to anyone who stumbles on this blog. I'm a multiple. You know, multiple personality, disorder optional. Like Sybil, but not worth making books and movies about. I don't put on a freak show of any particular popcorn-worthy content. You won't see me playing "See Jane switch" on an afternoon talk show. I lead a relatively mundane life -- when compared with Sybil. But not when compared with most people.

I've always had a talent for *cough* "Pulling myselves together" in public. It's a protection mechanism. I spent several years quite contentedly "out" to everyone I interacted with. Everyone knew I am multiple, and that was a terrific feeling, one I miss every day. In public, not playing the switch-personality-on-parade, I eventually ended up being much less of a curiosity. Just (The) Crisses. I fit in with many other gatherings of misfits, all of whom could say, simply enough, that I am multiple, without my having to go on exhibition. I thank those loving and accepting people with every ounce of [some of our/my] heart.

I've come out in recent times to only a very small handful of people, and I feel like I've rediscovered the dreaded closet. I suppose I have. More so than any other closet-able item in my life, multiplicity is important, a cornerstone fact that entirely changes the paradigm of anyone who interacts with (me/us). All of my other closet-able items are directly attributable to the fact that there are so many people of different types in my head.

It's my goal to continue to update this website and add more and more of my information to it from other sources, to pull it together as a cohesive whole, to slowly expose more & more about myself to the world as I grow older and less concerned about being judged by others. I will pull in information from Kinhost.org that is of a personal nature, so that Kinhost.org can stand as a resource for multiples everywhere and less as a place that people look at me, although being the primary author of the text there I'm sure that information about myselves will always permeate that website.

In any case, this website is not about hiding. I've never found that my life was one where camping in a closet was a great full-time occupation. It's also not a place for lying. It's a place of revelation, speculation perhaps, but not deceit.

Namaste!

Other Posts in December 2007


Comments:

I've checked out Kinhost.org and read as much as I could before getting so confused, it made my head hurt.

I'm really confused about this one thing. Are you the same individual that writes there about many spirits being in the same body as your theory on your multiplicity or am I confusing you (The Crisses) with another individual there?

What concerns me is that rather than describing true multiplicity, it reads like a description from either a religious radical or an existential trip down the fantasy/fiction section at a Borders Book store. Elves? DRAGONS? And laypersons that read it aren't going to think multiples are loons? I would and I'm a multiple myself. As disappointing as it may sound though... all of our alters are of the human species.

This isn't education, it's psychosis and although it might be very liberating for you individually and collectively to believe this stuff... it can be very damaging for the world of multiples who are desperate to function, be accepted and educate the masses so that understanding and support can be found. It's hard enough for common people to believe that MPD/DID is a legitimate diagnosis but try to pepper the phenomenon with elves, dragons, spirit-folk, and fairies and we can kiss support and understanding goodbye.

I, too may have some interesting or even strange theories or beliefs but I'll be damned if I'm going to cloud true knowledge and education about DID with my own personal flavor of existence.

If I weren't so sensitive to the potential of one's multiplicity, I would suggest that I were reading the ramblings of a schizophrenic. Are you SURE you are multiple and not schizophrenic? Though this question or even this entire post may strike you as offensive, I must be honest and say that I find the public "education" that your Wiki site publishes offensive. As a multiple who works very hard to trust any other singleton not to exploit or hurt me(us), I worry that information such as yours will be used as ammo for those with loose conscience.

I wish you well in everything you do in life and above all, peace but please be aware of the consequences of your words before you post them as educational rather than personal. It's dangerous.

Comment by Ripley on January 12, 2008, at 06:21 PM

Hi, Ripley,

I'm sorry if I made your head hurt. Yes, I'm the same The Crisses that wrote on Kinhost.org.

Your idea that somehow me (and others) describing our experiences and self-perception to the world is somewhat damaging to multiples as a whole is disturbing. You are 100% entitled to feeling or being 100% human, and are entitled to try to fit in and get help to become one whole human. Why am I not entitled to being perfectly happy being multiple just because of my self-observations or self-reflections that bring me to believe that the people (arguable) in my head are not all necessarily human? I dare to be different from you. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I am a 100% functional member of society -- whether in spite of OR because of my multiplicity. I'm not delusional, and I'm certainly not psychotic, although I question my sanity constantly. But, see, that's the point -- I question my sanity because it's mine to question. It's not yours, and your disbelief can't call me into question.

I'm quite positive I'm multiple, not schizophrenic. That's a pretty bizarre thing to say. I don't hear voices, I'm not paranoid, I raise my children, have a roommate and a partner, deal with business people in my area on a nearly daily basis, and I'm actually rather comfortable with myself. Having lived with schizophrenics, I can say with certainty that they were all but comfortable with themselves or their circumstances.

So, instead of attacking me, and my beliefs or circumstances, why not sit down and journal or ponder with why you believe it's necessary to try to change who and what I am when your real concern should be changing who and what you are?

If I were the only person with beliefs and experiences like my own, you might be right. I've received so many thank-you emails for my work on Kinhost.org that I really feel that it's worth my time and energy, in spite of any chance that I might offend any singleton or multiple in particular, to share my stories and let people peek into my head. So many people-like-me have been relieved not to be alone -- that in itself is granting a mote of sanity to many people out there, and that is more than worth it. I'm sorry if somehow this steps on your toes a little. It's what I feel I have to do. You can use my work as an example of "I'm multiple, but I'm not like these nuts." if that helps you feel better.

Crisses

Comment by Crisses on January 29, 2008, at 04:00 PM

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