Willow 8/21/95
forgotten bug
i crawl in the shadows of yesterdays forgotten
clearly not as dear as those who are dear to me.
swallowed pride in one last lasting breath
a breath after Death.
reflected i see the mirror in me
although i am forgotten, an apple gone rotten
one long lasting leap of faith
faith in myself
faith in My Elf
through the shadows i creep
one lonely insect i weep
a wail in the echoes of names long abandoned
a whale in the breath of the Sea.
Fate has never been
never been so dear to me
one life, adrift in the womb of promise,
mothered by compromise
once wed, a desperate clinging to what should be––
must be real.
a loss of self
a loss of faces
a loss of races
i am reborn, life as a whole person
death as myself
i can never be myself,
my faith,
my elf.
lost.
i stumble now on stony ground
is what i lost still around?
groping for the roots to climb the bank
back, back home,
back to a sylvan night.
those of us who dance in the dark night,
unhappy and afraid to shine in the light.
afraid to be–afraid of not existing
afraid of disbelief, of disbelieving.
searching for my Sight
alone abandoned in a pitch dark night.
no words of comfort
no calling of Names
only restless abandonment
and hovering shame.
no faith in the Gods who once had me fulfilled
no faith in the love that had me so thrilled.
i look to dependance to feel i am needed
by the very definition i'm always defeated.
once lost in the fantasy, now lost in "what's best"
living a lie with a babe at my breast.
loved as i am not as i pretend to be
i find myself longing to be the real me.
© 1995 The Crisses. All rights reserved.